Spring Cleaning and Life Changes

You probably all thought I had abandoned you, huh?  Well, don't be needy...I was just doing some mental recovery and spring cleaning after my first few posts.  It is funny how you can think you have "dealt with" an area of your life, only to have it come back around for another emotional bitch slap here and there.  Just like the grieving process when someone dies, we can find ourselves in a cycle of remembering and reprocessing the major and life-shaping events in our past.

Two of my favorite ways to find myself are riding my motorcycle (a God-given gift that is a story for another time) and playing in the dirt.  Ever since I was a kid, I loved to sit in, dig in, and play in the dirt.  As a child with no friends when we moved to Nevada, I vividly remember spending my days on mound of dirt in our front yard with my Hot Wheels cars, digging out caves and parking spots.

My dirt playing has now progressed to include landscaping with recycled items and dividing my existing plants to spread their beauty across our one acre yard.  When we bought our home a little over 2 years ago, I found myself with a weedy mess in need of a lot of love.  This is the first Spring that I have been blessed with enough free time to do the things I want.  I did not get before pics, but here are some of the projects I have been working on.  They might not look like a lot now, but they will look amazing next year and after, after they fill in the beds.  I feel reminded that long after I am gone, these flowers will remain and continue to grow year after year.

The last weeks have also kept me busy with my middle child, my oldest son, moving in with his dad.  Even though he is 3 months away from being 18, it is hard for a mom to let her child go out in the world.  I have prayed relentlessly about this, and really struggled at times, but an overnight visit from my son last night eased a lot of my worries.  It is a kick in the gut that he is now choosing to do his school and contribute to his dad's household while refusing to do it here.  I guess the lesson learned is that you can't make someone do what you want, even if want you want is best for them, and that people will use things to hurt you or get their way, even if it harms themselves in the process.  

The major highlight of the last few weeks was a visit from my oldest child, the "star" of A Letter To Myself as a Pregnant Teen , along with her fiancee and the littlest love of my life, my 2 year old granddaughter.  They live over 5 hours away, so we do not get to spend near enough time together, and video chats or phone calls are no substitute for the real thing.  With the kids all growing up and moving out, it is very rare to have all 5 of my babies together at the same time.  This visit also brought the first time my little love got to spend the night.  There is no sweeter sound than "I love you, Mamaw!"  

My heart wept with joy as we walked around the yard several times, looking at my plants and just enjoying each other's presence.  There were several little moments that reminded me of my own grandma, who helped raise me (and my oldest).  They brought tears to my eyes, and do even now as I type this.  I can't describe the love and happiness I feel, being able to build similar memories with my own granddaughter.  And even better yet, grandbaby #2 will be arriving this fall! 

Now, it is time to get out and enjoy this beautiful weather.  I have been neglecting my motorcycle for digging in the dirt, but today, it's all about riding!  

Until next time....