Rising from the Ashes: My Thyroid Cancer Battle

A week after 2nd surgery

You see the 3 inch scar on my neck and try not to stare.  Really, I don't care...especially given that I have had it 6 years and rarely think about it myself.  I have had family members look me dead in the eyes and tell me that they would rather literally die than have a scar like mine, so trust me, I won't be offended if you look at it or ask what happened.  In fact, getting thyroid cancer was one of the best things to ever to me because it changed my life and bettered me in ways that I never could have imagined.

Playing in the Dirt (I'm Still Alive)

I figured I had better check in, since I have not been writing.  I have been thinking a lot about material to write, just not writing it...God has kept me busy in other ways.  I have many stories to share of the last few weeks, but I'm anxious to get outside and pot up some lilac starts.

A few weeks ago, I prayed and asked God for something to do to keep me busy, maybe help me make a little money, that would allow Him to use me as He saw fit.  A side note to self here:  If you are going to tell God that He can use as He sees fit, you had better be prepared to strap in and enjoy the ride!  He will take you places you never imagined!  I have seen it in those around me and am starting to experience it myself.

I will come back to fill in the blanks, but the last few weeks have been filled with surprises, a restored marriage, lots of plants and dirt, and surrendering myself to the Lord like I never felt comfortable before.


Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart
And do not rely on your own insight or understanding.
6 
In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him,
And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way].  Proverbs 3:5-6 AMP

Spring Cleaning and Life Changes

You probably all thought I had abandoned you, huh?  Well, don't be needy...I was just doing some mental recovery and spring cleaning after my first few posts.  It is funny how you can think you have "dealt with" an area of your life, only to have it come back around for another emotional bitch slap here and there.  Just like the grieving process when someone dies, we can find ourselves in a cycle of remembering and reprocessing the major and life-shaping events in our past.

Two of my favorite ways to find myself are riding my motorcycle (a God-given gift that is a story for another time) and playing in the dirt.  Ever since I was a kid, I loved to sit in, dig in, and play in the dirt.  As a child with no friends when we moved to Nevada, I vividly remember spending my days on mound of dirt in our front yard with my Hot Wheels cars, digging out caves and parking spots.

My dirt playing has now progressed to include landscaping with recycled items and dividing my existing plants to spread their beauty across our one acre yard.  When we bought our home a little over 2 years ago, I found myself with a weedy mess in need of a lot of love.  This is the first Spring that I have been blessed with enough free time to do the things I want.  I did not get before pics, but here are some of the projects I have been working on.  They might not look like a lot now, but they will look amazing next year and after, after they fill in the beds.  I feel reminded that long after I am gone, these flowers will remain and continue to grow year after year.

The last weeks have also kept me busy with my middle child, my oldest son, moving in with his dad.  Even though he is 3 months away from being 18, it is hard for a mom to let her child go out in the world.  I have prayed relentlessly about this, and really struggled at times, but an overnight visit from my son last night eased a lot of my worries.  It is a kick in the gut that he is now choosing to do his school and contribute to his dad's household while refusing to do it here.  I guess the lesson learned is that you can't make someone do what you want, even if want you want is best for them, and that people will use things to hurt you or get their way, even if it harms themselves in the process.  

The major highlight of the last few weeks was a visit from my oldest child, the "star" of A Letter To Myself as a Pregnant Teen , along with her fiancee and the littlest love of my life, my 2 year old granddaughter.  They live over 5 hours away, so we do not get to spend near enough time together, and video chats or phone calls are no substitute for the real thing.  With the kids all growing up and moving out, it is very rare to have all 5 of my babies together at the same time.  This visit also brought the first time my little love got to spend the night.  There is no sweeter sound than "I love you, Mamaw!"  

My heart wept with joy as we walked around the yard several times, looking at my plants and just enjoying each other's presence.  There were several little moments that reminded me of my own grandma, who helped raise me (and my oldest).  They brought tears to my eyes, and do even now as I type this.  I can't describe the love and happiness I feel, being able to build similar memories with my own granddaughter.  And even better yet, grandbaby #2 will be arriving this fall! 

Now, it is time to get out and enjoy this beautiful weather.  I have been neglecting my motorcycle for digging in the dirt, but today, it's all about riding!  

Until next time....

5 Things You Need to Know Before You Watch "13 Reasons Why" on Netflix

Netflix's new original "13 Reasons Why" has made a pretty deep impact on my life in the last few days since I started watching it.  There is no secret or spoiler to the plot that the show's story-teller, Hannah Baker (Katherline Langford) has committed suicide and left 13 cassette tapes to tell the story that lead up to her untimely death.  

Ironically, it was my own teenage daughter, who turned me on to this show.  Fortunately, she is already in the middle of another series binge and wanted to finish that before starting a new show.  I had no doubt that this series was going to press into some dark and brutal waters, but I never expected it to leap so boldly.  While I think this series is absolutely amazing and speaks truth about many topics that society has covered up for far too long, viewers of all ages need to be aware and prepared for the emotional trip this show will take you on.  

How Strong is a Rescuer's Heart?

(This was originally published on January 16, 2015 on the website for my former rescue.  I am republishing this here since that site is no longer operational.  Sadly, God has led me away from full-time rescue for now, but I have faith that I will return to it again in the future, in some capacity.  The words below remain as true as the day I wrote them.  There is nothing that makes my soul smile like snuggles with a tiny kitten. - 3/30/17)

Like many rescuers, I believe I was born to rescue. I remember countless stops with my mom to save wayward turtles in the road from their "untimely death." I was always on the hunt for animals to save, and even talked my mom into keeping a few. My rescuer's heart grew as I grew and, as an adult, I found myself trying to rescue people, too. Friends, significant others, acquaintances, or even complete strangers in need....I thought I had to save them all. However, I quickly realized that animals were much easier to save than people, and sometimes more grateful in the end. As my mind reflected on how I got involved in rescue, I pondered....just how strong IS a rescuer's heart?

A Letter to Myself as a Pregnant Teen

Dear Teenage Me,

You have a feeling deep in your soul, but you try your best to dismiss it.  It can't be what you think it is...you can't be.  Your 14th birthday is a few more weeks away!  You have your whole life ahead of you.  You are just a kid yourself!  It will be ok cause he pulled out...right?  You only had sex a handful of times...this can't really be happening, can it?  Has it been four or five weeks since your last period?  You can't remember for sure.  

Your first confession will be to your best friend, who doesn't know what to say.  She is more focused on meeting up with her boyfriend in the hallway between classes.  You see, her parents are home to supervise her, so she only sees her boyfriend at school.  You, on the other hand, live with your grandma and betrayed her trust by having your boyfriend over while she was at work.  You didn't see what the big deal was anyways.  

Allow Me to Introduce Myself

Hello, Interweb!  It has been several years since my last blog and I am excited to be starting a new one.  While many online writers find their groove in niche blogging, I just want to share my thoughts...and ramble...and sometimes bitch.  So, if you are organized, meticulous, or a perfectionist, you may be in for a bit of whiplash.  If you are sensitive, easily offended, or lack a sense of humor, you will also probably not want to subscribe.

To my established friends and family who may be reading this, hello and I love you!  Thank you for being a part of my story and being a blessing to my life, whether it was when you came in to it or when you left it.  To those who have not made my acquaintance yet, allow me to introduce myself...

I am the almost 40-year-old mother of five kids with only 2.5 of those kids still at home.  My oldest has blessed us with our first and only granddaughter. I have been married to my husband for almost 7 years, and this is my third marriage and his first.  It took me three tries to get it right, but he rocked it the first time, obviously.  (There's also a lot to be said for waiting until you are old enough to put someone else before yourself.)

I have a wide variety of interests, ranging as far apart as crocheting and riding my motorcycle every given chance.  I am also loud and proud about my faith and love for the Lord, while continuing to embrace and love my non-religious and Pagan friends.  I believe that if you love everyone for who they are and let God sort out the rest, every one is better off for it.

However, I didn't alway have such a steadfast trust in God's plan for my life.  I did it my way, or other's ways, the wrong ways...for far too long and I was living in a sufferable hell on a daily basis as a result of my choices and actions.   This blog will help share and purge some of that.  Not all of my stories will be happy and not all will be tragic.  I might write about some seriously disturbing topics at times, with an appropriate disclaimer when warranted.  If my words are not for you, please have enough respect to move on.  If my words or my stories touch you to your soul and bring a renewed perspective that opens your eyes, awesome!

Until we meet again, I love you and thank you for sharing in this journey.

Mrs. Mayhem