Rising from the Ashes: My Thyroid Cancer Battle

A week after 2nd surgery

You see the 3 inch scar on my neck and try not to stare.  Really, I don't care...especially given that I have had it 6 years and rarely think about it myself.  I have had family members look me dead in the eyes and tell me that they would rather literally die than have a scar like mine, so trust me, I won't be offended if you look at it or ask what happened.  In fact, getting thyroid cancer was one of the best things to ever to me because it changed my life and bettered me in ways that I never could have imagined.

It all started with a sudden sore throat, but it was not like a normal sore throat.  I was also having severe hot and cold flashes, dizziness, and just did not feel right. I went to the walk-in clinic and was lucky enough to get an old-school, retired doctor who immediately said I had thyroid disease.  He ordered some blood work and a follow up with my family doctor, but he was comfortably confident that this was a clear and cut case of thyroid issues.  I had a doctor years earlier who had always suspected "something" and it nagged at him, but he could never find it on a test.  

Days later, my family doctor tells me that my labs are within normal range and there is nothing wrong with my thyroid.  I insisted that I be sent to a specialist.  I KNEW something was wrong.  I could feel it in every fiber of my being and my crazy symptoms affected my ability to function in regular daily activities.  As with all specialists, it took several weeks to get in to the endocrinologist. This was just the beginning of a very long hurry-up-and-wait game.  

I won't bore you with every gory detail of the medical appointments, as it's really irrelevant to this story  Over the next year, I had so many tests it was stupid...x-ray, CT scan, ultrasound, and a radioactive iodine uptake scan where I had to swallow a pill that came out of a sci-fi looking canister held by the tech wearing a Hazmat suit.  I mean, seriously...you are wearing all of that just to hand me the pill and you want me to swallow it?  Almost all of my test came back completely normal.  The doctors could not find anything wrong on paper, regardless of my constant misery.  

The only definitive thing the doctors knew was that I had a small nodule, just under 2 cm, in the right lobe of my thyroid.  A fine needle biopsy did not show any reason for concern.  Yet, my symptoms persisted and I continued to suffer with no answers.  Almost 18 months after my first symptoms, I had the right half of my thyroid removed.  This was supposed to be the end of the story....but my pathology results were lost for several weeks and my life was put on hold. When they were finally received, the nurse refused to give the results over the phone.  I was shocked...they had always just said, "Your tests came back normal.  Doctor said ....." and now they wanted me to come in the next day.  

I tried to not worry that night, and tried to just pray and lean on God.  I had only recently renewed my faith the year before, so I was still learning how to let go and let God do His thing.  The next afternoon, my husband and I sat in front of the surgeon as he said, "I'm sorry, but you have Papillary Follicular Variant Thyroid Cancer.  This doesn't always show up on biopsies, but if you are going to get cancer, this is the one you want to get."  I sat stunned, half at the diagnosis and half at his nonchalant attitude.  I was 32 years old, just had my 1st wedding anniversary, and had 5 kids at home...NO CANCER IS "GOOD CANCER!"

I had thoroughly researched everything up to cancer, since the biopsy had shown no sign of it, so I was completely unprepared for the coming weeks.  I had a lot of decisions to make and did not feel very supported by my doctors.  They were almost offended that their test were wrong and my insistence was warranted after all.  I got a second opinion and chose to remove the other half of my thyroid ten weeks after the first, but not to get the iodine radiation.  I get a blood test yearly You would think I would be fine and well on my way to recovery at this point, but sadly, I was filing for disability and unable to get out bed most days.  

I never imagined that having my thyroid removed would devastate my body and life so much.  I spent four long years on SSDI and being unable to work for more than a few hours at a time.  On my worst days, I could barely hold a full gallon of milk or case of pop.  I could not drive far or travel long distances.  Grocery shopping was extremely rough on me, but I had to do it.  I tried to return to work three times and picked up odd jobs where I could.  I did little things to build my strength every day.  My doctors thought I was just over-stressing my body and told me I would never return to sustainable full-time employment.   After complaining for a while and agreeing to pay more for Synthroid over the generic Levothyroxine that I had been taking, my life was finally back to what I knew before thyroid cancer.  

Good  things arose from that time off work, though.  I prayed for God to give me something meaningful to do to keep me busy and ended up raising orphaned kittens.  It gave me purpose, forced me to get up when I didn't think I could, and blessed with lots of memories.  Two years ago, I was able to return to full-time work and learned to ride a motorcycle.  The experience as a whole made me stronger person - in faith, in how I view myself and others, helped me to see where true value lies - and truly brought me closer to God.  

My husband cringes when I say that because the experience was much different for him.  His mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and MS when he was 9, so my fibromyalgia and thyroid cancer made him feel like he was in a recurring nightmare. He was scared and left feeling alone, drowning in his emotions, while I buried myself in research.  Cancer permanently scarred us...you can glue a pot back together after it breaks, but it's still never the same as before.  

My six year cancerversary just passed two months ago.  There has been some testing over the last few months for some lumps in my neck that are yet to be determined.  All of my tests are coming back normal again, so it is a game of wait and see and believing that I'm healed and healthy until proven otherwise.  Cancer taught me to live each day and not sit around waiting for life to happen.  You don't have to wait for cancer to hit you before you come to this realization.

Jeremiah 23:11 AMP - For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.